Feeling shitty

I feel so fucking shit right know and basically it’s all because my Nan is ill in hospital and we aren’t ever going to see her again, She has a brain tumour and it is in operable which means they can’t operate on it so it will kill her if that doesn’t kill her the drugs they have put her on to try and shrink it will kill her as they cause fits and or cardiac arrest. My Nan and uncle David have both decided that if she does arrest she isn’t to be resuscitated as she has a good life she is 90 I suppose and has never been seriously ill or anything and up until 2 months ago she has been fit as a fiddle. I noticed things weren’t quite right when I was staying there as she found It hard remembering my name and she seemed very distant when she was here for Christmas which was saddening to watch especially when she got ill and I thought she was going to go then, I’m glad she didn’t though, We are all finding it really hard at the moment but are coping, Me and my brother are both really upset and are trying to stay occupied so we don’t think about it. I had a little cry to myself this evening when I found out and am feeling a little bit better know. Am off to Chelmsford tomorrow to hand out C.Vs so will be occupied instead of sitting at home thinking about things.