long time not blogged so much has gone on!!

So much has gone on since i last blogged all down to the fact i didn't ave no net wen i 1st moved outta me dads,

well i had a baby girl on the 8th february she's grown so much already and she's only 6 weeks i think she's going to be like her dad and tower over me like evry1 else does o well all good things come in small packages....but so do deadly poisons. The pregnancy went really well was really weird after i had her as the reassurance that everything was ok was her kicking i don't mind the sleepless nights but i lucky at the moment as she sleeps most of the night.

Me and shane live together know which is awesome as we really love eachother and wanted to move into together at some point Shane's awesome with scarlett he gets up with her on his nights and i don't even have to ask him to!!!! which shocked me as he don't like getting woken up in the night unless its an emergency!!!!

o well off to play with scarlett know will blog again soon

Time for a really long blog as haven't blogged in months!!

Well it seems like forever ago i was last blogging but it can't have been that long lol!! well abit about what i've been doing well i was working at St Johns Hospital though the Agency Allstaff then that was going well apart from i hated getting up early (i'm so not a morning perosn). Then i went for a second interview at Maximum Dynamic which was then offered a job. I didn't read to much into it as the Advertisemnt seemed like it was good money well better than i was on at the hospital. So i started my 2 weeks training there when my dad raised my attention to money and how i would get paid well i asked my team leader and he was very vague about it so dad was very suspicious about them. We then looked through a booklet i had been given when on my evaluation day which stated that i would have to deal with my own taxes, I was self employed and it was commision based only which is SHIT as if you don't do any sales you get no money so i am know back to being Unemployed and looking for a job which on the plus side i have just applied for JSA so at least i can get some money whilst looking for a job. Me and Shane have been going through abit of a rough patch recently but seem to be back on track i know it's because he has been having trouble with his mum which didn't help when one minute she liked me then the next i wasn't allowed anywere near his when i have no idea what i have done wrong. but on the plus side he has got a new job as a bartender in Chelmsford so good luck with that babe. Was supposed to be going to see my mum this weekend but she hasn't paid no money towards the train fair so we've scrapped that instead Toni is bringing Gemima and Aaron on saturday till sunday which is good to have there company then i'm going to stay at shane's for a week whilst his mums on holiday!! (don't worry i'll be good :P) anyway back to job hungting know will blog again soon.

Back inside my glass box

I know i haven't blogged for ages haven't had anything to blog about really so thought i better write something.

Started a new job at St Johns hospital on Tuesday 25th is going really well get paid weekly so don't need daddys pennies anymore hehe.

Got a phone call of my dad last night saying that my nan had past away in her sleep yesterday afternoon so i feel like i'm back inside my glass box with everything going on around me but i can't do nothing i want to help so many people and i hope they find a cure for this FUCKING thing soon i hate hearing people have cancer its a nasty thing and i wish i could find a cure!!!!

At least i have family and boyfriend around to keep me occupied so i do't sit and dwell on things at least she went peacefully and i hope she wasn't in any pain at all know she will be with my great grandad and Sharon so will be well looked after. R.I.P Nanny 29.3.2008 will miss you.

Trial day at vogue

Had my trial day at vogue yesterday and it went really well even though i went home and was absoulutly nakered!! I learnt how to wash hair!! and lots of sweeping and cleaning (good job i'm good at it) Made loads of tea and coffee and had a good day! June is going to let me know this week or beginning of next so fingers crossed!

BLERGH!!!!

GRRRR............

things aint looking good for my nan just read dads blog after being away for the weekend and she has to go into a home as she can't look after herself and my nan can't really look after her either which is a shame as she has always been fighting fot apart from the stomach cancer years ago. Its only over these past few months has she started to detiorate, I'd love to go and see her but she might not remember who i am and i don't want my last memories of her to be like that we have all had a good life with her and i wished to god that nothing would ever happen to my family but hey thats fucking life isn't it as soon as something goes right something comes back around and bites you up the arse. I love my nan dearly but if it means she will be more at peace then i can cope with that, it's a shock that this has happened 7 months after losing Sharon who we all love and miss dearly. I hope my nan has longer than a few months maybe weeks as i'm not ready to let her go just yet!!

Feeling shitty

I feel so fucking shit right know and basically it’s all because my Nan is ill in hospital and we aren’t ever going to see her again, She has a brain tumour and it is in operable which means they can’t operate on it so it will kill her if that doesn’t kill her the drugs they have put her on to try and shrink it will kill her as they cause fits and or cardiac arrest. My Nan and uncle David have both decided that if she does arrest she isn’t to be resuscitated as she has a good life she is 90 I suppose and has never been seriously ill or anything and up until 2 months ago she has been fit as a fiddle. I noticed things weren’t quite right when I was staying there as she found It hard remembering my name and she seemed very distant when she was here for Christmas which was saddening to watch especially when she got ill and I thought she was going to go then, I’m glad she didn’t though, We are all finding it really hard at the moment but are coping, Me and my brother are both really upset and are trying to stay occupied so we don’t think about it. I had a little cry to myself this evening when I found out and am feeling a little bit better know. Am off to Chelmsford tomorrow to hand out C.Vs so will be occupied instead of sitting at home thinking about things.

As if things weren't bad enough!!

As if life wasn't bad enough, January's a hard enough month as it is what with loads of anniverarys involving Sharon but then last night we find out my great nan has a possible brain tumor just to find out tonight that she does have one and it is inoprable so is going to kill her, doctors have given her drugs to try and shrink it but they can cause cardiac problems which can also kill her! My nan and uncle david have decided that if she goes into cardiac arrest she isn't to be resusciated and to go in peace which is fair enough. Uncle david is going over tomorrow to help with things. We assume these people are going to be around forever so is a shock when something like this does happen i just wish there was something to do to help!! I'll just have to sit here and think of all the good times we have had together, all our holidays in swanage and all the christmas spent together.